AviationGeeks.com - Pilot Jokes

Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do.

LH741: "Tower, give me a rough time-check!"

Tower: "It's Tuesday, Sir."

Pilot: "...Tower, please call me a fuel truck."

Tower: "Roger. You are a fuel truck."

Tower: "Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?"Pilot: "Negative, Sir. It's only the same pilot."

Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!

Tower: "Height and position?"
Pilot: "I am 1,80 m and I'm sitting.

Ground Control: "123DG, bear to the left, disabled aircraft on the right."
Pilot: "123DG, Roger, I have the disabled aircraft in sight, but I don't see the bear yet."

Lady Radar Controller: "Can I turn you on at 7 miles?"

Airline Captain: "Madam, you can try."

O'Hare Approach Control:  "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker F-27, one o'clock,3 miles, eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say  this...  I've got that Fokker in sight."

Q: What is the ideal cockpit crew?

A: A pilot and a dog...the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.